This last spring and early summer I went through a very discouraging time. I was discouraged in the youth ministry. I was discouraged in the music ministry. Underlying both of those was a discouragement in my faith. Amy can tell you, I was ready to quit. I have been discouraged in the ministry before. It seems to be part of the job. However, I have never been quite so discouraged in my faith. Through this time God led me to do some soul searching. He showed me some things in my life which I must do different. The youth mission trip was a very renewing and encouraging experience. It did much to lift me out of the discouragement. Still, I am processing much of what I learned this spring and how it will impact my life and the way I do ministry.
When I first started at Riverview seven years ago I was full of energy and passion and vision. My life looked much different than it does now. Madalyn was our only child. I was still teaching seventh grade history. I was willing to do whatever it took to build a successful youth ministry. What I lacked in leadership qualities I made up for with time and energy. I often neglected my family and my own health in striving to be a great youth pastor. Ministry was my source of fulfillment. It probably looked good on the outside, but it wasn't so healthy backstage. As my life has changed, student ministry has become more challenging. I don't teach anymore therefore it takes more sacrifice and intention to spend time with students. My family has grown from three to five. They now outrank the ministry in my list of priorities and serve as a much greater source of fulfillment. I am no longer willing to make the unhealthy sacrifices for ministry I made before.
This last spring I realized I must change how I do ministry if I'm going to be successful. I no longer have the time, energy, or passion to make up for the poor ministry habits I have practiced up to this point. In the past I have been a lone ranger leader. The major benefit of lone ranger leadership is control. I get to control the final decisions. I get to control the quality and final result. Honestly, this kind of leadership is selfish and arrogant and ineffective. Lone ranger leadership creates a ministry bottleneck. It only allows the ministry to be as good as my time and abilities allow. I heard a leader recently say "All of us are better than one of us." This statement has changed how I think about ministry. I hope and pray it will change how I do ministry. I must learn to lead through shared leadership.
In the past I have led through programs, events, and meetings. I must learn to lead through personal relationships. We will always have programs, events, & meetings, but they don't care for people. Only people can care for people. As a leader I must do a better job of caring. I must spend more time on the phone (and do a better job of answering my cell phone). I must spend more time outside my office and in homes and on school campuses. I must spend more time encouraging and not just directing. I must spend more time sending personal letters and postcards. In the past I have neglected relationship for the sake of my job. In the future I must prioritize relationships for the sake of my calling. I share my growing pains because I want you to know I am striving to mature in my leadership. I ask you to pray for me in making these needed changes. Though change often comes gradually, I hope you will notice some differences in the months to come.
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